How To Survive Election Season


We still have nine more months to hear about the extravaganza that is the presidential election. That’s nine more months of crazy Facebook posts, non-stop media coverage and conversations that threaten to ruin relationships. Or, maybe that’s just nine months to plan your move to Canada. Either way, it’s a long time.

Whether you love this political madness or you’re watching in bemused horror, here are some suggestions for getting through the next nine months until Election Day.

1. Get pregnant immediately. Anytime your family and friends ask if you watched the debate or heard what Donald Trump said, you can just say you’ve been too preoccupied preparing to bring a human life into the world.

2. Learn a new language. You never know when you’ll want to try living in a new country and knowing the local dialect is key. This might also be a good time to renew your passport.

3. Burn your television. News anchors must love election season because it gives them something to talk about 24/7. Suddenly, terrorism, the refugee crisis and police misconduct doesn’t seem to matter, it only matters what the candidates have to say about them. This is a great time to catch up on reading or pick up a new hobby.

4. Begin your presidential campaign. If there’s one thing this election has taught us, it’s that pretty much anyone can run for president. This is a great time to raise money, practice saying outlandish things and make sure you have very good email security.

5. Learn about the candidates so you can exercise your American right to vote. This is probably the most responsible choice in these tumultuous times. Also, we’re extremely fortunate to live in a country where we can have a say in who leads us for the next four years. So while you could chose the aforementioned options, you should definitely do this one.


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Joe Scotchie is the editor of both The Roslyn News and New Hyde Park Illustrated News. In 2009, he won a New York State Press Association award for a sports feature. Joseph Scotchie’s past publications include biographies of Thomas Wolfe and Richard Weaver and a comprehensive history of the city of Asheville, North Carolina.


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